We went to Baby J's 4 month well baby visit today. He weighs 19 lbs 3 oz and is 27 in long. On the card they gave me documenting his growth they noted that he is in the 100 percentile in both categories. Am I right to understand that this means that he is larger and taller than 100% of all four month olds?
That's right folks! On this blog you are privy to the goings on of the largest 4 month old in all of creation! I'm going to go ahead and sign him up for the Guiness Book of World Records and then have him join the circus. Soon you can all order your Baby John: Largest 4-Month-Old in the World t-shirts. And then we'll start selling his memoir. I'm pretty sure he'll hire a ghost writer for that.
Anyways, all is well. Nothing to report except that he's the biggest 4 month old on God's green earth.
While at the pediatrician's office I saw an advertisement for an invention called BabyPlus. I roll my eyes at a lot of baby equipment. (Though I am also the proud owner of plenty of baby contraptions so I can't roll my eyes too vehemently...) But this I thought was extra eye roll worthy. It is a "Prenatal Learning System." A Prenatal Learning System! What? Really, it is a wonder that the world ever produced an Einstein, Galileo, Picasso or Mozart without the BabyPlus's "prenatal education curriculum" (they actually use those words). I looked at the website briefly, it appears to be a audio recordings of heart beat sounds. Maybe there's some validity to it. I didn't read through their entire website ( I probably couldn't get through the entire website because of my short attention span which is probably the result of my mother not using a BabyPlus when I was gestating.).
There are testimonials of people who used the BabyPlus (It won't just give you a baby, friends, it will give you a BabyPlus!). They are, of course, writing about how their child is the most brilliant, charming, and thoughtful baby on the planet who was born doing high order physics and cooking with arugula. But who doesn't think that about their child? I, for one, think that my baby is the smartest, biggest and cutest baby in the world and I also think he can do as much high level math as any 4 month old. But he didn't have the advantage of the BabyPlus. Do you know what I think made him so brilliant? All those cinnamon rolls I ate. (I am not even kidding, I could feel him getting smarter with each glucose-skyrocketing bite.)
I think I'm going to let my baby focus on banging toys on the ground and save the education curriculum for later.
I will post pictures just as soon as I get my card reader back. I have to show you his thunder thighs. They are so cute! Wouldn't it be nice if thunder thighs were also cute on adults?