Right now my baby is 4-5 weeks. S/he is between 1/16 and 1/8 of an inch- about the size of the tip of a pen. What a petite little thing!
I am so dizzyingly happy. I have been smiling for days, walking on air, just thinking about that word “Pregnant!” The vulnerability of the situation has also struck me. That little being with no shelter, no protection except my own body which now seems so fragile... so unequal to the task. Even though this whole process is taking place inside of me, I feel very helpless. I feel like I should be doing something. But really all I can do is wait. It is a strange feeling to be in the midst of such an enormous life change and yet... nothing has actually changed.
I think about it when I'm on the train. There are actually two people sitting in my seat but no one knows that! It's not just me anymore, I'm two! But in response to that mind blowing idea (that there are now two people where there was formerly only one) I'm still riding the train to work everyday like I normally do. Life is so eerily normal! But the changes will come soon enough I'm sure. I might as well enjoy the last vestiges of "normal" while I can. And there is comfort in the waiting. Or at least in the knowing that I truly can't control anything that's happening but I can entrust the entire process to the Author of life.
We have decided to wait until I’m 13-15 weeks along before we tell anyone that I am pregnant. From my experience as a Labor and Delivery nurse, I know that the possibility of miscarriage is very real during the first trimester. So, I want to wait to get past that. Of course, there are still no guarantees, I know. But I also enjoy letting this news mull and simmer in my mind while the knowledge is still just ours. It’s kind of fun to have a secret!
But at times I feel like I might explode; it is a difficult secret to keep. It seems like October (when I will be getting into the 2nd trimester) is an eternity away! Last night we got a call from Peter’s brother Jacob. I heard Peter on the phone exclaim “number three!” I knew that probably meant Jacob and his wife Daniele are having a third baby. And sure enough, Daniele is pregnant and due in early May! (I'm due April 28th.) Wow! We were beside ourselves with excitement. It will be fun to tell them. If all goes as planned, I will by having my oldest and they will be having their youngest both in early May. They say it will be their last but they’re both still young and I have my doubts…;o) So, we’re locked into a 40-week marathon. May the best baby win (of course, both babies will be "the best baby." It will just depend on which set of parents you talk to. :o)!