Monday, August 10, 2009

We're Almost at Critical Capacity

One thing that has, I won't say surprised me, but definitely has affected me since we got our cats is the amount of cat hair that collects on a daily basis in our duplex. The sheer volume. Metric tons of cat hair, I am sure. Come wintertime I might be harvesting it and fashioning a cozy nest in which I can curl up and dream about scorching deserts. But right now I am just trying to eke out an existence not completely insulated by a coat of fur.

I knew this would happen, which is why I say it didn't surprise me. But I've never had only inside cats so I didn't realize the extent of the situation. I shudder to think about the amount of cat hair that I have imbibed, inhaled or absorbed through osmosis.

Cat hair. It has superpowers. It has adapted itself to exist everywhere and in all conditions. From the dark caverns under the furniture to the high altitude bookshelves. From the tropical humidity of the bathroom to the tundra-like freezer. It can float like a feather and stick like glue. I see billowing tumble weeds of cat hair rolling softly down the flat plain of our hall. It swirls in the gales under the fan. It collects on the sheer cliff-faces of our curtains.

Though I do try to keep the hair under control. I have resigned myself to its presence. I know that if I tried to completely eradicate the cat hair, that showdown would only end one way. The cat hair would organize itself, shaping its members into a mythical, griffen-like monster and devour me whole.

Last Monday at work, I questioned whether I might be a little too resigned to living with cat hair. It was a super busy day at work and we were short staffed. I had to scarf down my lunch in 10 minutes. As I was eating my soup, I noticed a hair in it. For a split second I thought about removing it. But I was so tired and in such a hurry that I decided it just wasn't worth the effort. I just kept on eating. Theodore sleeps on my pillow so I'm kidding myself if I think I haven't already ingested enough cat hair to coat at least a litter of six.

I think that I might have an idea that will catapult me into Nobel Laureate status. It is a small vacuum that can be attached permanently to a feline's back and collect the hair as it falls off. So, I'm going to go ahead and start looking into plane tickets to Sweden now. Because when all of the other Nobels are announced it's just going to be a mad rush.

Now, please don't let the fact that I knowingly eat cat hair keep you from coming to visit. I do put up a valiant effort against the fur. I sweep every day and dust and vacuum every week. I also comb the cats which doesn't seem to be effective at all. Anyways, I promise, you won't have to eat cat hair unless you want to!


Vanessa Rogers said...

Speaking of pesky cats, QT made quite a mess in the bathroom today and then proceeded to sneeze on our toothbrushes. Thank you very much QT. I felt that I was missing snot on my brush.

Peter and Leslie said...

What kind of mess did he make? Did he cough up a hairball? One of our cats has been doing that and it is so gross. Can you imagine having to throw up your own hair?